So I just got back from the movies after seeing “The Hangover,” which was great. But I couldn’t enjoy the first half of the movie because the jerk sitting next to me was obnoxiously chewing with his mouth open (my biggest pet peeve) on the world’s largest bag of popcorn. I was considering re-arranging this guy’s face because it was so incredibly annoying. However, cooler heads prevailed and I just waited for him to finish. But seriously, what are the odds that this guy chooses to sit down right next to me when he has the choice of any seat in this gigantic movie theater?

Needless to say I’m pretty worked up about it, which means that I’m sufficiently pissed off enough to talk some Cleveland sports.

Indians: How about that Rafael Perez? Wow, just when I thought this guy was completely washed up he goes and totally………………proves me right. Giving up that go-ahead grand slam to Prince Fielder pretty much poured the concrete over his major league grave. If you’re a left-handed set-up man who can’t get lefties out, then you’re pretty much out of a job.  Buts besides not being able to pitch or hit in the clutch, I think the tribe’s prospects look pretty good.

Hey, if we keep playing like this then maybe we’ll be in the running to draft Bryce Harper. Keep your fingers crossed though. We haven’t drafted a meaningful player in the first round since CC Sabathia’s first name was spelled “C.C.”

Cavs: It seriously boggles my mind that we are in such bad shape with the salary cap. Is there any meaningful talent on this team outside of LeBron? Williams and West were solid most nights and showed some flashes of brilliance. Varejao is still young and very promising. Hickson has been MIA since he got embarassed by Lamar Odom the last time we played the Lakers. Everyone else is just an over the hill role player. Zydrunas, Wally, Boobie, and Wallace are all expendable in my opinion. The Shaq deal is intriguing, but he’s definitely a temporary fix. At least he’s a little bit quicker (even if it’s only marginally) than our 7′2” Yugoslavian oaf center. The free agent pool looks decent, but the players on the trade block look even better. Antawn Jamison would be nice. I can’t believe I’m about to say this… but Carlos Boozer would be even better.

This is what it’s come to. I’m willing to welcome that dirtbag Boozer back to Cleveland if it means we can stuff it down Dwight Howard’s throat come next year. I just want a championship. Is that too much to ask from a Cleveland team?

…which brings me to my final topic.

Browns: I’m reluctant to drink the Mangini Kool-Aid, which is convenient because he isn’t serving any. He hasn’t made any win-loss predictions or talked about playoff aspirations, which is nice. I’m actually warming up to the idea of having a cold, calculating dictator as our coach. Hell, it couldn’t be any worse than Romeo. If this guy remembers how to properly use the 2-minute warning in the fourth quarter, then he’s already lightyears ahead of Crennel. That being said, I’m only mildly pessimistic about the upcoming season, which is an improvement from total dismay and apathy I felt three months ago. But optimism?

Let’s just score a touchdown first.

Oh yeah, Stallworth got one month in jail for killing a pedestrian while he was driving drunk.

Now that’s justice…geez

-Jason F. Cocca

PS- Who want’s to see Turkoglu in a Cavs uniform?